Friday, June 20, 2014

How to be useless to everyone

Here's something that isn't a rant but rather a bit of advice.

Do you want to know how to become useless to everyone (including yourself) and be on a 10 pills a day and on a special a diet for the rest of your life?

Let me share my knowledge with you. Here is the formula for success in that venture.

(1) Eat whatever you want to eat, any time you want to eat it. (2) Sit at a computer as close to 24 hours per day as you can manage to sit there. (3) Do no exercise. Zero. (4) Limit your sleep to 3 to 4 hours per night. (5) Smoke as many cigarettes as possible. Aim for 3-4 packs per day. (6) Drink all the liquid you can manage.

Step 6 can cause interference with steps 2 and 3 as you will need to make frequent trips to the washroom. But if you follow the steps as much as possible, here’s what is going to happen to you, just like it did to me.

My heart got weak. My lungs shut down because of the fluid that was in them. My heart wasn’t strong enough to push the liquid out. My lungs and my kidneys shut down I had a blood clot so big that it was blocking the blood from going into my heart. so the cardiologist had to take the blood clot out then put in a stent which is like a perforated piece of pipe to reduce the size of the clot that would try to go to the heart.

I had a heart attack and my son had to call an ambulance. While in the hospital I actually drowned in my own fluids and I was declared dead. I had a brief moment in the afterlife and then I came back. The doctor still can’t figure out why I came back alive. I was even given the last Rites of the church. This happened back in late May 2011 and I am still recovering from it. I did stop smoking and I go for walks and cut down on my time spent on the computer. But I am 79 years old now so I have to watch it as next time I might not come back. I know my permanent time is coming because of my age but I say why rush it?

I just thought I would pass this along in case someone is doing what I was doing and doesn’t realize what could happen to them. My son is on his way to hitting a heart attack because he is doing the same as I was. I keep on telling him but he will not listen even though he seen what happened to me.

This is not a rant but a bit of advice.

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